Freakishly Fabulous and Fun Fiftieth

I have been thinking about all the things I could write about for today. I had absolutely no suggestions (gee thanks, guys. I wish y'all were more interactive. But you aren't so I had to depend on my own creativity, and the Google.)
I was like, oh, where I want to be in 50 years (but then I realized I want to die at the age of 72 and I think that would be sort of morbid) or 50 things about me (but I did an interview thing last week and so that would be lame of me.) 50 pictures I like (but that's a lot of pictures, plus I kind of did that yesterday) 50 of my favorite people (too much effort. I'm far too lazy.) 50 secrets. But then they wouldn't be secrets, plus I'm not sure I have 50 secrets to keep, so that's out. 50 things I want to do before I die? I liked this one, despite it's morbidity. I liked it, until I realized a few of my bucket list items are illegal or totally inappropriate, so that was out. My mom reads this, you know.
I finally settled on one. And you're going to laugh if you know me, because it perfectly sums up my weirdness, slight pessimism & undeniable hilarity.
So, here we go.

50 things I absolutely Hate.

1. When people ask if my kids are mine.
2. When I'm not carded when I buy drinks.
3. Gum smackers
4. People who automatically hate pit bulls / dobermans / rottweilers because of their breeds
5. Racist, Sexist, gay hating, general judgmental douche bag people
6. Leaving voice mails
7. Checking voice mails
8. Pity
9. People who hate Taco Villa
10. Swimming in lakes
11. Mosquitoes
12. the Verizon ringtone
13. Boring flight attendants
14. Suspicious Chinese food
15. computers that don't spell check
16. improper use of language
17. non-use of punctuation
18. guys that think I'm easy because I'm single and have kids
19. the color of adobe
20. Poorly stocked libraries
21. Fake bacon
22. When guys talk about cars to me
23. Bones in my meat
24. When Cody steals my snacks
25. Oatmeal Raisin cookies
26. Raisins
27. When people expect me to be a mind reader
28. Quoting things out of context
29. Stress
30. Changing plans last minute
31. People who I can't confide in
32. The idea that dogs are put down for hurting children but child molesters aren't.
33. books that focus too much on the love stories
34. movies that don't follow the book story line
35. everyone who dislikes Mama Mia
36. the texture of velvet
37. Xbox
38. When my phone dies and I'm no where near a charger
39. People who don't use turn signals
40. songs that have no lyrical value
41. p33pl wh0 t4lk lyk diss
42. when I miss a text notification
43. Ear infections
44. when you take a shower and there's no shampoo in the bottle
45. housework
46. parents that let their children run rampant in public
47. shoes that don't have arch support
48. women's pant pockets
49. bras
50. the sound windbreakers make when they rub together

Happy 50th, y'all!
</3 Brittany

Lazy day Sunday

 So, I worked all day Friday. And by all day Friday, I worked 9-5 in the office, then was at the Wagner at 6-12:30 at a wedding. Then Saturday, I worked 12-2:30, then again from 6:30-12:30. So, today was the whole of my weekend.
I planned on staying my happy butt home. My legs hurt so bad from dancing and running and standing and stairs and loading and unloading and pacing. It was a good fun time. But I am in pain. I waddled around last night because I was in agony. My calves were swollen. I still am walking just a little funny. So I was going to lay around and watch Supernatural all day long, with my children running and playing around me.
It was fun.
UNTIL I FINISHED SEASON 8 OF SUPERNATURAL.
I felt like I had lost a good friend. I almost cried, but I didn't.
So I sat around for a minute, and watched Dexter instead.
Then I had to get ready for my baby cousin's surprise birthday dinner.
At Carinos. Which took for freaking ever because there were 30+ of us and only one server, so I was peeved and stuff. Plus it was way passed the kids' bed time and I wanted to die.
Plus I didn't want to leave the house.
Because I didn't want to put a bra on.
Because I hate everything.

Anyway, I really wanted to write a blog tonight, but I really couldn't think of much to write about. Instead of writing, I'm just going to show you pictures I like.

So. Pretty.

Anyway, enjoy those. I'm going to start thinking about what my next post is going to be about because it'll be my 50th!!!! Yay! ;)

BrittanyFaye

About the BERTKNEE

What is today's date?  7-24-14

What time is it right now? 2:01am

*PERSONAL DETAILS

Nicknames?  Bert, Bernay (Bertknee) , Brit brat, Brat, Brit tan ee, Brit

Where do you live? Midland. TEXAS.

What's your age? 22

Hair color? Brown

Eye color? Brown

Height? 5 feet, 6 and a half inches

Shoe size? 8.5-9.5 depending on the shoes.

Date of Birth? July 7, 1992

What's your star sign? Cancer!

Element? Well, I went to this (http://whatismysign.net/what-is-my-element/) website and put in my birthday and it said I am water.
"People of water element possess a very subtle cast of mind; quite often they demonstrate parapsychological abilities. People of water element are very impressionable and sensitive. People of water element are distinguished by inconstancy, emotionality, and a rather extreme sensitivity"

How many siblings? I have three half brothers :)

How many pets?  none of my own, unless you count my children

Obsessions? Doctor Who

Bad habits? I bite my nails. And my lips. And my cheeks.

Phobias? I am not a huge fan of the dark, but I don't think I have any straight up phobias.

*ABOUT YOU

What makes you happy? Chocolate milk.  And Gardettos Rye Chips

What really irritates you? boys who think I'm easy

What makes you sad?  Being alone

What makes you angry?  Homophobias.

What makes you scared? College. Is that totally weird? I'm afraid of higher education?

Who is your best friend? I can't just pick one. that would be stupid. They would hit me.

Ever broken a bone? Never ever.

What's the best advice you've ever received? Hakuna Matata.

What was the last CD you bought? HAHAHA. Who buys CDs anymore? I'm sure it was probably like, Fall Out Boy or something.

What was the last book you read? Currently reading Paper Towns by John Green

Who was the last person you spoke to? My Mother!

What was the last thing you ate? PIZZA!

What was the last thing you drank? Water :)

What's the best thing you've ever bought? My PS3 :)

What's the worst thing you've ever bought? My first car. It died two weeks after I got it.

What's the best thing you've ever been given? I really liked my bed in a bag thing Mema got me when I was living in California. I only have the comforter now, but you better believe if I'm cold that sucker is on my bed. I miss the rest of it.

What's the worst thing you've ever been given? my crazy granny gave me tooth paste and deoderant for Christmas when I was like 12.

What are your future goals? Get a college degree. Buy a good house.

Describe your bedroom?  a MESS. And in need of a paint job. lol.

What's your most embarrassing moment? I peed myself once, when I was pregnant with Kamden. It was great.

Who do you consider the most beautiful woman in the world? ME!
Jk, I'm in love with Jennifer Lawrence. Also a huge fan of Scarlet Johanssen.

Who do you consider the most handsome man in the world?  Ian Somerhalder. Jensen Ackles && Chris Hemsworth.

Favorite thing to do on a hot summers day?  Stay inside and watch Netflix.

Favorite thing to do on a snowy winters day? Stay inside and read a book.

If you were granted 3 wishes, what would they be? 1. That America would pull out of foreign affairs. I were a bazillionair. That I could eat and eat and not get fat.

If you could go back in time to see or change something, when would it be and what would you do? I'd stop a certain shxthead from doing a certain stupid thing to a certain little Brittany

What's the first thing you think about when you wake up?  "How on God's green earth did my body end up shaped like this"

Have you ever been in love? Yes.

Do you believe in the after-life? I do.

Where do you see yourself in 10 years time? Single, with teenagers/preteen with a house and at least two cars.

If you could choose your own death, how would you go? Faulty parachute.

Would you ever consider having plastic surgery? no. Breast reduction? Definitely.

What's the funniest joke you've ever been told?
What do a rubix cube and a penis have in common?
The longer you play with them the harder they get.

Do you have any regrets in life?  I'm thinking. I'm thinking. I'm thinking.
no. if I had made better choices my life would be different and I like it how it is, thanks.

What advice would you give to a kid? Be nice to everyones.

Any hidden talents? I can scare children.

Is yours an 'innie' or 'outie'? Innie!

Last job? Starbucks, lol.

Current job? Boyd's Events!

Dream job? I'd like to be paid ridiculous amounts of money to sign, but since that probably won't ever happen. So, I'll hope for a good job in computers in a bigger company.

Who is your hero? I'm going to go wiiiiiith... Mema

Describe yourself in 3 words: loud, rude & awesome.

*FAVORITES

Favorite color? Green! Like forest green :)

Favorite number? 7

Favorite animal? TURTLES. And maybe penguins. But mostly Turtles.

Favorite sport (to play)? are drinking games a sport?

Favorite sport (to watch)? Probably Soccer

Favorite Show(s)? Supernatural, Dexter, American Horror Story, Sherlock, Doctor Who.

Favorite movies? Easy A, Pitch Perfect, Little Mermaid, Mama Mia, Grease

Favorite band? A Great Big World! For now. I also like Josh Abbott.

Favorite song? Right now? Stay With Me by Sam Smith

Favorite room in the house? Living room! It has my chair. And my PS3

Favorite board game? Disney Scene It

Favorite video games? Soul Caliber 5

Favorite PC game? uh.

Favorite food? Let's go with potato salad

Favorite fast-food? TACO VILLA.

Favorite drink? Water

Favorite magazine? Meh.

Favorite place?  There's a park on Cuthbert. I love that park.

Favorite cartoon character? Sebastian. From The Little Mermaid.

Favorite day of the week? Sundays. I generally don't have to work on Sundays.

Favorite day of the year? Thanksgiving!!!! FOOOOOOD

Favorite season? Fall

Favorite holiday? Halloween

Favorite girls name? Currently: Ceila Astre

Favorite boys name? Currently: Atticus Raze

Favorite country? Well, I have only been in America and Mexico. I like America.

Favorite smell? The way it smells right before it rains. Or fresh cinnamon rolls! :)

Favorite sound? the other person's heartbeat while I'm cuddling.

Favorite accent? Scottish!


*PREFERENCES

Coke or Pepsi? Coke

Pen or Pencil? Pen.

Day or Night? Night

Cat or Dog? Both. I want both. If I can only have one, then DOG

Summer or Winter? uhm. Summer. I hate cold.

T.V. or Radio? TV. lol :)

Brains or Beauty? Brains!

Cup or Mug? MUG

Tea or Coffee? Either, hot or cold. I like both

Gold or Silver?  Both. Silver jewelry, gold everything else.

Brush or Comb? Brush

City or Country? Suburbs

Red or White wine? white wine. SANGRIA!

Early or Late riser? if I had my choice... late. But my kids run my life. So early.

Blond or Brunette? I prefer brunettes.

Scarey or Romantic movies? Depends on my mood. Probably Scary, even though I'm a wimp.

Board or Computer games? Board.

Half full or Half empty? it's completely full. of liquid & gas. BOOM.

Happy and poor or Sad and rich? Sad and rich. Pretty sure.

Glasses or Contacts? Contacts!

Flowers or Chocolates? Chinese food and a DVD.

Love or Money? Money. (just saying. Already did the love thing. It didn't end well. I feel like money could end well)

Hugs or Kisses? KISSES!  And Cuddles!!!


*RIGHT HERE, RIGHT NOW

What are you wearing? cami & gym shorts.

What's the latest news? DAVID TUTERA HAS LOST THE MOTHER OF THE BRIDE.

What's the weather like? It's pretty awesome.

How do you feel? a little sleepy


*WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU...

Cried? Last week?

Laughed? an hour ago.

Swore? probably thirty seconds ago.

Lied? Probably during work.

Got drunk? Last Friday

Read a newspaper? last year?

Read your horoscope? I can't even remember

Had a bath/shower? I had both last night lmao.

Had a cold? currently

Smiled at someone? a couple hours ago

Gave someone a cuddle? last night

Said, 'I love you'? an hour ago.

*THE OPPOSITE SEX

What is a turn on?  good smile, great sense of humor, confidence

What is a turn off? clingy, insecure

What physical feature are you attracted to the most? Probably muscles. I like biceps.

Best pick up line? I can't remember any good ones now.

What's the most irritating thing about them? their inability to listen.

Could you live without them? Probably. I have been so far.

Describe your ideal partner? Jensen Ackles & Ian Somerhalder's Love baby.

What time is it now? 2:55am

5 Things

Today is a good day!  And by good day, I mean nothing went wrong so everythings great!

So today, class, we're going to do a 5 things post. Why?
BECAUSE IT'S WHAT I WANT.
And I feel like it's been a while since my last one :)
Let's get started!

This Pin, sent to me by the infamous Steffie Marie.
I like to say I'm fat because I'm over weight, but this girl sees underneath the chub and refuses to let me say it in front of her. She's persistent, stubborn, and sends me things to boost my self esteem. I <3 her and I <3 this.

Since it's Wednesday, lets talk about my Woman Crush Wednesday. She's pretty much one of the only people who could possibly understand what I've been through. Plus she's been my friend since like, 6th grade. Plus she makes me be healthy when we do lunch. Today we did flatbelly. It was pretty gross. Except the soup. Soup was good.

this turtle. My kiddos were on their way out to the car earlier this week and stumbled upon this little guy. They all took turns petting it and giggling and squealing in delight. I was running late but I took the three minutes to see my kids' happiness in the morning. :)

This face. This is Brad. Brad and I kind of dated in high school. Twice. Both times were idiotic seeing as he's a huge douche and I'm a rude bitch and we butted heads all the time. But we make great friends. And when he made a joke, I responded inappropriately and this was the face that happened. It was beautiful.

This girls mouth. Calm down now. She's sort of a genius rambler, and the things that slip out of her mouth unfiltered are freaking hilarious. She's a freaking joy to be around. She's the ray of sunshine piercing the darkness to light up my world. She's the clouds that shelter me from the scorching light of the cruel world. She's a golden egg a midst a basket full of shxt.
These are all real things that she's really said. this week. JUST THIS WEEK.
She also has a discomfort with the words "Bean paste" so we call it beannut butter. Because we're hilarious.

 Okay, now that I'm looking at this all again, I'm starting to think that my 5 things post should be a "Favorite people" post or something. But I'm too lazy to change it and I also DONT CURR.
So. Tomorrow, I will be posting an interview type thing. So if you have anything you want to know, comment/email your questions to me and I'll include them.
Other than that I'm going to pick a random thing off the Google. :)

Til Tomorrow, Troublemakers.

Berrrrtneeeey

Ten Dumb Things I Did With My First Baby.

Every once in a while, I get a Pinterest notification that looks like this.
So, since I'm pretty terrible at doing things Steffie tells me to, I will follow this one wish. Kind of. But not really. I wrote out half of a blog trying to think of things I'd do differently, but I've had three kids! I'm basically a pro now.

If you want to read the original article, you can read it here.

So, here we go. 10 dumb things I did with my first baby. I now know better and I hope this knowledge will be passed on to you.

1. Don't get those stupid wipee warmers. They dry the wipes out, and it doesn't matter if the wipes are warm or cold. That baby will cry simply because they're butt naked and uncomfortable!

2. Baby Shoes are completely unnecessary. It's stupid. Really. They can't walk. Don't put shoes on their tiny baby feet, because they are masters at kicking them off, then losing them. So you'd spend more time looking for the lost shoe than they'd spend actually wearing them.

3. Don't feel bad when you're happy to be away from the baby. No. It's awesome to remember that you're your own person. You're not just a mom. You're a person. You were a person before that baby and sometimes you need to ask your mom to keep your baby so you can take a long bath and not worry about the baby.

4. Don't take everyone's advice. Listen to it, sure. But remember, your baby is different than other babies. Your baby is your baby and you know what's best.

5. Don't google anything. Call your doctor. I was convinced Xia had sleep apnea because she'd sigh in her sleep. Why? WebMD told me so. That was stupid. The doctor told me she was fine. I insisted that she had sleep apnea and she needed to be hooked up to a monitor. That was stupid. Worst month of my life.

6. Don't make that baby wear clothes all the time. They poop, puke and pee. All you're doing is ensuring that the baby wears every outfit that was gotten for it. You're also making a lot of tiny laundry. It is okay if babies are naked. It's actually how they are born. Believe it or not.

7.  Don't wake the baby up at night to feed it. Don't. All you're doing is creating a pissed off baby with bad sleeping habits. It'll wake up if it's hungry. It will tell you when it's snack time.

8. Don't hold it after it's asleep. Put it down. I created three very spoiled babies by doing this. I still have not learned my lesson. Babies are cute and cuddly and awesome

9. Don't be quiet. I tiptoed around Xiaden so every time I bumped into a table she'd wake up. It's excrutiating. Rhyssie sleeps the best out of all three. Why? She is growing up listening to Xia and Kam bicker and laugh and run around.

10. Don't start potty training early. They'll let you know when they're ready. Otherwise you end up with a lot of wet underwear and pee spots hidden around the house. Trust your kids. They know.




Anything you'd like to add/disagree with?
I'd love to hear it!
-B

Schooooool!

Okay, five years ago I was excited to start my senior year and be finished with (high) school forever.
Surpriiiiiiiiise, now I'm excited to go back to school as a freshman. Sort of.
I've been slowly but surely working on the whole college thing. Applying. FAFSA. My TSI. Registering for classes. Now, as far as I can see, I only have a few more things to do.

1. Finalize enrollment in my sign language class. Since my sign language teacher is actually a professor at the SouthWest Collegiate Institute for the Deaf in partnership with Howard College (AKA all the things in Big Spring, not Midland) who will be teaching us via webcam, I had to get approval from a specific professor at MC ( a liaison, if you will) who reserved a space for me during the SWCID/HC ASL class on M/W on MC. But since it's only reserved, I have to get actually registered for it
Did you get all that?

2. Get my ID. This requires me looking as cute as chubbily possible in a tiny plastic card that will define me forever. Or, well, at least while I'm at MC.

3. Parking sticker. I have the paperwork all filled out, I just had to double check my license plate number to make sure that I actually am a genius. I am, just in case you were wondering.

4. Buy a laptop. I have my eyes set on an HP which isn't too expensive but has everything I need. The sneaky sweet greeter lady at Walmart gave me a "Back to School" catalogue thingy that I took because Xia's starting Kindergarten (tear, sniffle sniffle) and surprise, there was a whole page of laptops. I should have known. My mom has offered to lend me hers until post-bachelorette weekend, since all the money I'm saving up right now is going toward the weekend, X's uniforms and possibly books. Which brings us to...

5. wait until August 16th arrives to see if I get a book voucher. As far as I can tell, my sign language book can only be bought in Big Spring, so I will probably have to pay an arm, a leg and my first born (sorry, Xiaden baby) to purchase, but I should get my English and History pretty easily.

And that's that! I'm not at all worried about English, is that crazy? Probably. But I've always done well at writing and reading, so I'm actually excited about it. History I'm a little concerned about, but seeing as I have at least three friends who have taken it, I'm feeling okay about it. Plus Codykins is taking it too, just with a different teacher, so I figure that 4 am Netflix binges can be "teach me about all the Indians the white people oppressed" time. And I cannot contain my excitement for ASL. I wanted to take it in high school, but of course the teacher retired or moved or whatever the year before I moved up. So I took French, which it totally useless unless you want to correct your little cousin's spelling when she's roaming across Europe. Which I generally tried to avoid doing, because I'm not a complete douche.
Anyway, so consider my insistence on taking a class that has nothing to do with my major completely selfish. It's something I've always wanted to do, and so now I'm going to do it. I wish one of my other friends would take it with me so I could talk crap about other people in front of them, but oh well. Maybe I'll make a friend in class and we can practice making fun of random people in Starbucks while studying.


You may wonder why my blogging has picked up in the last week or so. I'm so close to 50 blog posts I can hardly stand it!
So.
I will now be taking suggestions as for what I shall write about in the Freakishly Fantastic Five Oh post.
Laters, baby ;)
B

Monday Exhaustion

Friday night I got drunk
Saturday morning I worked out until I puked.
Saturday evening I went to a quinceanera.
Sunday I had my big 5 year old's party.

The party was great. A super huge hit. I'll give you a brief overview since I didn't take any pictures.

Tons of kids, tons of fun.
There was a Rainbow Dash hooficure station. Girls painted their nails.
There was an Apple Jack snack cart. Complete with carrots, celery, m&ms, strawberries, bananas, pretzels and goldfish.
There was a Rarity design corner. Kids used the massive amounts of stickers to decorate their own party hats.
There was a Twilight Sparkle magic place. Aka, stick presents here.
There was an absent Pinkie Pie station. We were supposed to play Pin the Tail on the Pinkie Pie. We skipped it.
Then there was a Fluttershy Critter Corner. It was the most popular. There were tons of pools with a ton of floaty animals and cool stuff.

There were tons of cupcakes and cake, but the Walmart Bakery seriously failed me.
I went in in May and ordered a half sheet of cake, a dozen cupcakes, and a teeny tiny six inch cake with six cupcakes.

The tiny cake & six cupcakes were supposed to be buttercream icing for my super picky aunt who doesn't like whipped. Guess what? They were all whipped.
AND AND AND the Pinkie Pie rings that were supposed to be in the cupcakes were magically not there.
I ORDERED THIS CRAP IN MAY WHY DON'T YOU HAVE MY PINKIE PIE RINGS FOR MY PINKIE PIE CUPCAKES FOR MY MY LITTLE PONY CUPCAKES.

I even went back in June to make sure they had this shizz and that they could spell her name.
So they gave me rainbow rings, wtf, and I only had to pay for the half sheet. Which was okay, because the half sheet was the only thing they couldn't mess up.
Til I got out to mema's house and opened the cake box to put the giant pony cake topper on it.

...
The half sheet spelled Xia's name wrong.
Xiden.
WTF.
So, I wiped the top of the d off. And I stuck the giant pony on the -en and made it look like It was supposed to say "Happy Birthday Princess Xia"
Until the giant pony fell over in the cake and made the rest of it look like crap.

oh well, at least it tasted good.

My sweet Mema helped decorate.
She's probably the best person on the whole planet.
Really, my Mema is an amazing human being and she's awesome.
Everyone had fun. I had fun.

Now to start buying Cars themed shizz for Kam's party in a month.
woohoooooo.

Anyway, time to go watch Dexter, aka my new obsession since I finished Orange is the New Black, and I'm 12 episodes away from finishing Netflix's supply of Supernatural and I'm trying to draw it out as long as possible.
thank you Katie.
Thank you so much.
I really needed a new TV show about a good serial killer. It's great.

<3
B

Boobs.

I write this with a heavy heart, my friends.
I have finally faced the fact that I cannot wear the dress I love for my cousins wedding.

Why? you ask.
That back.
It's lace.
You can't wear a regular bra with that back!

I have been hunting for ways to make this work.
But let us just think about this for a moment.
I am not a small woman.
My boobs are a 38DDD (Aka a 38E) (an E!!!!!) (In the UK that means F. a mother effing F)
So. Let me share with you  my discoveries.

The Steffie sent this to me on the Pinterest.

\

I tried this in my bathroom last night. It didn't work. And it really just hurt, actually. So that's a no.

So I hit the Google.

so this would be perfect right? It has weird skin safe tape that just sticks it on there magically. Too bad the biggest size it comes in is a C, so I'm screwed in that front.

Guess what? This was my stroke of genius. I was like, that would be perfect. I love this idea. I could wear a real bra and keep the girls tamed! Great!

All of these only come up to a D cup D':
Strike Three.

so. There's this. It looks uncomfortable, but by now I'm desperate.

Nope. Only up to a D.
even my last option is a fail!
I remain optimistic.

okay, this is honestly the last ditch effort I made. It's weird boob tape that you use to hoist your tatas up.
It says it works up to size DD. I figure I could push it. Then I looked at all the reviews and all the girls over a C said it worked for like, maybe an hour before the tape ripped. I can't freeboob it. That is a very very bad idea. 

Well, the dress hunt continues since my boobs are obviously just too big.

I am beginning to hate them, really.

Time to start collecting money for a reduction. Anyone want to donate?

I've never really had small boobs. Like, I was a C cup in 8th grade. And my older cousin was like a B in her senior year of high school, (love you!) so I felt like a freak of nature. My aunt even tried to get my baby cousin to call me Booby instead of Brittany. (luckily she called me Mitney until she was old enough to figure it out.)

Basically, I was just really self conscious until like, my junior year when I realized that having boobs is great!
Then I had three kids and I was not one of the lucky moms that had boobs that just went back to their original size. They kept expanding. And now I'm here. Not fitting into any backless bras. Or cute bras, if you want to be honest. So, girls, aim for a good C cup. That's what I've found to be generally awesome. 

Anyway, there you go. Boobs failed the dress.
Anyone who can find a cute semiformalish black on black on black on black (so, just black) dress that would look cute on a thick girl with curves, post the link in the comments.
Ps, I like flowy. & Empire waist lines whenever possible.

Wish me happy hunting!

-Brittany (Booby)

I'm a bad person

When I order pizza from Dominos, I always get the buffalo chicken pizza, no onions add bacon. Not hard right? ITS SO TASTY. I feel like I ate my weight in pizza, but in reality I ate two pieces. So I'm going to guess the Plexus is working, since I used to be able to eat half a pizza, easy. So, that's good! And my "baggy jeans" and we all have them girls, the pants that you wear when you're bloated or just feeling fat. Well, my baggy pants became my tight pants, and I know you know what that means.
Well, my baggy pants are now my baggy pants again, and I am so excited.
But, let me tell you why I am a bad person.
I always order this specific pizza from Dominos, and I have an amazing secret agenda.
They always forget the buffalo sauce. Every single time.
So, this chicken and bacon pizza, which ain't to shabby, and I call and say my pizza is wrong, and they send me another free pizza.
Once upon a time, I put in the "Driver Instructions" to "don't forget the hot sauce!" And they sent it to me swimming in orange spicey saucey stuff. It was drenched and quite disgusting. I called that day and got another pizza, because someone thought they'd be funny. They're hilarious. Nah. I also got a free two liter. Boom.
on top of free pizza, I signed up for my free college today! (Pell grant) I'll be taking English, US History & Sign Language. Don't judge me, it's free and I want to learn it. I am so excited! Officially doing the college thing next month. Yayyyyy!

So, I now have three pizzas, and I paid for two. And I plan on eating some tomorrow. And probably Thursday. But not Friday! :D
I'm really hoping to get asked to dance by a lot of strangers who also buy me drinks. Most guys don't dance at rockin. I usually just buy my own drinks until lightweight Shelly gets drunk enough that she can dance. I know that sounds backwards, but she really is a better dancer when intoxicated. I don't know how it happens, but it's magic. MAGIC.

Anywho, I have collected my main bitches to come out and love me. I'm so excited. All of us are moms and I think that's why I love them.  YAY.

so, today, Codykins learned about my blog. He'll be over here later. Bearing gifts of Starbucks. All to watch the Lego Movie that Reed gave me yesterday.  So I'm going to get in an episode of Supernatural before he commandeers the TV and reads all of my blog posts. He'll probably punch me for calling him Codykins. But I think it's hilarious. So do you.

Good night, my loves!

I Don't Know About You!

But I'm feelin' twenty two!!
Yeah, it's my birthday. The day my awesomeness and crazy graced the planet, a full twenty two years ago. You're welcome, by the way ;)

I had a great day! My boss bought me the Lego Movie, Leslie bought me lunch (aka, gave me money and a cute little attempt at a poem, saying to buy myself lunch, which is exactly what I did.) and decorated my whole office with birthday stuff and frogs.
Why frogs?
Because she knows I'm not super girly and I have a chameleon tape dispenser. She calls it a frog. So I came in and sat at my desk and there were four little frogs and four little lizards scattered around. I loved it. Then people kept telling me Happy Birthday, most of which I haven't heard from since last year's birthday, but I love them all, just the same.

BUT today is not only my birthday, but it's one of the coolest cousins in the whole wide world's anniversary! ( I want to say it's their third, but I can't be completely sure about that) I just remember the date since it happens to be 7/7. Aka, my day o' birth. She asked permission, and it's totally cool because there is no way I could ever forget to wish her and her beloved a Happy Anniversary! :)

AND I plan on going out Friday with a ton of girlfriends (okay, like maybe 5) to dinner (Probably Texas Roadhouse) and dancing (almost definitely Rockin' Rodeo) and I am so EXCITED! :)

Also this weekend is my wee baby Xiaden's birthday party. She turned five and I can't lie, I totally cried a little, but she was so excited that laughter soon replaced the tears.

LOOK AT THIS THING I MADE!!!

I'm pretty proud, no lie.

Okay, since I'm a terrible horrible no good liar, please let me catch you up on things I like.
1. I think I found a dress I just love for my big cousin's wedding. She's letting us pick out our own dresses (which is a blessing and a curse, I tell you.) and this is it.

Only thing is, look at that back.

I'm going to have to make my boobs defy gravity. Because backless bras and my huge boobahs (Steffie) do not exactly mesh well. Like, can I tape them?? How does this work? Anyone have any suggestions?

2. I got my first DJ request in my history of DJing. I have always met with brides, and I started DJing last October, but it was like halloween parties and birthdays and Christmas parties. That sort of thing. My first wedding was in April. Count that. Three months ago. I just got a request! My very own! Everyone is generally like "you did such a great job, thank you so much!" but this girl was like "I want Brittany as my DJ" and I love this girl. I mean, I really liked her when I initially met her, but now she's requested me to be a part of her big special day and I love her.

3. Steffie has been getting on to me (like, literally scolding me) about all the things I say I'm going to write about. In the middle of our conversations I say "I'm going to write a blog about this!" or "I need to put this in my blog" but then the conversation continues and my brain forgets. I'm working on it. I promise. You have to send me a list, Steffie Marie. You HAVE to.

4. MY BLOG BROKE 1,000 VIEWS! I'm at 1,009 to be exact and I'm so excited. People love me!

5. I'm in season 8 of Supernatural. and Netflix only has 8 seasons so I've been seriously trying to slow my butt down. I'm also halfway through the second season of OITNB. These are my two big obsessions. What am I going to do with my late nights when I run out?! I DON'T KNOW. Probably something productive like laundry.... NAH.

I seriously do need to do laundry. Note to self, do laundry after you publish this.
On to more exciting things. I'm finally going to do my TSI tomorrow. Texas Success Initiatives. It's basically placement. Reading, writing and math. I'm only worried about one of those and it's called MATH. But the sooner I get this over with the sooner I can register for classes and I am pretty pumped about that.


Well, I'm going to eat doritos and stalk whisper, so have a great night!!!

22!

Bertnay(;

My Crazy is Showing

Okay, so. One of the biggest parts of my job is sitting down with brides and helping them figure out the musical direction for their wedding, while making them feel stress-free and awesome. I know. Cool, right? This is actually one of my favorite parts of my job. I meet with every single bride we DJ for, and ease them into decisions that they're unsure about while making them feel confident and comfortable. Like, they don't know what song to dance to their dad with? "Here, here are five really good suggestions, this one is my personal favorite and yes we can definitely listen to any of them." Or "you don't know what you want to walk down the aisle to? words or instrumental, okay, listen to this." That's my job. And I LOVE it.

 I feel like it's a pretty good fit, seeing as how I love music and I love helping people. Sometimes, they let me pick and it's like "There's my little fingerprint on your wedding!" And we all leave. Usually, I meet a big jumble of nerves and I bid adieu to a relieved smiling bride. Because for most people, music is a big part. It sets the mood, it tells a story, it can convey messages people can't. Music is awesome in the original definition of the word. I feel privileged that I get to work with these girls so closely, laugh with them, comfort them, encourage them. I also basically plan their wedding schedule out. I put together a complete and comprehensive itinerary, including announcements, then give them a copy and send them on their merry way. It's pretty cool.


 So, as you can imagine, as a DJ and a "planner/helper/music expert" I have my entire wedding planned out already. I have everyone picked out, I have color schemes, time of year, venue, decorator, photography, cake lady, uplighting colors, projections, everything, planned out to the T. And I finally wrote it all down. I posted it on Facebook last week, but I've made some very minor changes to it (which of course will continually happen until the wedding is actually here.)


 So here, take a peak at the wedding that basically only needs the right guy to plug into it.

 Wedding Ceremony & Reception Itinerary 

Date: Spring / DJ: / Venue: Dallas World Aquarium 

NOTE TO DJ: bride is absolutely crazy
Start Time: probably 8 (til midnight)
Bride: Brittany Lindsey                   Maid Of Honor: none
Groom:                                            Best Man:
Photographer: Studio 1401            Planner: Probably Shellie           Colors: turquoise, lavender, gold


Bride's Parents: Alicia Nettles(mom) Carolyn & Bill Jones (Grandparents)
Groom's Parents: .................................................................................................................................................... 

Ceremony: (less than 10 minutes)

Pre-Ceremony: OneRepublic – What You Wanted / Imagine Dragons – Demons / Runner Runner - I Can't Wait / Christina Perri – Arms / Neon Trees – Animal / Tegan & Sara – Closer / Hellogoodbye - Here

Seating Of Parents: Goo Goo Dolls – Come To Me

Entrance of Preacher, Groom, Groomsmen: cont. Come to Me

Bridal Party: Cont. Come to Me

Bride Entrance: Cont. Come to Me

Ceremony: Sand ceremony Lindsey Stirling - We Found Love in a Hopeless Place

Kiss: DJ plays "Kiss The Girl" chorus from Little Mermaid quietly in background.

Recessional: American Authors – Best Day of My Life (Cue to :38)

Reception:

Dinner Music: Piano Guys, Piano Tribute Players, Vitamin String Quartet, Lindsey Stirling, etc.

Announcement: DJ asks all guests to grab a drink and the bridal party will join us shortly.

Entrance: Calvin Harris – Feel So Close (introduce entire bridal party)

Announcement: DJ announces buffet line is open!

Continue Dinner Music: to cake cutting

Cake Cutting: Taylor Swift – Today Was a Fairytale

Toasts: Best Man, Bride & Groom

1st Dance:

Mother/Bride Dance: Jessica Andrews – Who I Am

Mother/Groom Dance:

Anniversary Dance: Frank Sinatra - Call Me Irresponsible

Start Main Dance: 1 hour set to bouquet/garter

Bouquet Toss: Jason DeRulo - Trumpets

Garter Toss:

Continue Dance: to last dance

Announcement: DJ asks all guests to join in for the last dance

Last Dance: Bill Medley & Jennifer Warnes – Time of My Life

Prep Exit: cake sprinkles! (DJ kicks all guests out for exit, bride and groom have private last dance with photographer)

Private Last Dance: Lee Brice - I Don't Dance

Exit.

End.

Dance:

Musical Direction:  full mix / some rap / a couple cumbias / country & Texas country / all line dances /

Special Requests: R Kelly - Ignition / 50 Cent - In Da Club / Randy Rogers / Aaron Watson / Shania Twain / J Dash – The Wop / DJ Khaled – All I Do Is Win / Lil John – Turn Down for What / Spice Girls – Wannabe / Journey – Don’t Stop Believing / John Michael Montgomery – Sold / Josh Abbott Band - Oh Tonight / Brooks & Dunn (Boot Scootin Boogie, My Maria, Neon Moon) / Garth Brooks - Friends in Low Places / George Strait (Anything by George Strait) / Taylor Swift!

 No Plays: Gangnam style / Ylvis - Fox / dubstep / John Legend – All of Me /

Toooosday

Kay, so (queso!) I would like to point out a few things.

1. I deleted all the pictures that were archived in my google photos app on my phone, because it was taking up massive amounts of storage (and I wanted to download the Whisper app and didn't have any room) and turns out, that deletes all the pictures from all the blog posts I've ever written! Hey, that would have been a cute notification: "Caution, deleting this may cause some of your blog posts to completely lose meaning since there are now no pictures to go with any of them." Or Not. Cool. Thanks Google, good trick.

2. The Whisper App. I LOVE IT. My sweet Katie love mentioned it to me about a billion years ago, but recently I've been seeing more and more whispers on Pinterest, so I accidentally deleted all of my bloggy pictures and downloaded it and I am having serious amounts of fun. I can post lines of my poetry, get feedback, meet people named Stephano from New Zealand, all sorts of good fun. All anonymously. It's great!

3. Piano Guys are coming to Mid-dessa! yaaaay, September 22nd, I am so excited! (It's a Monday, and it happens to be two Mondays after my cous's super exciting bachelorette party weekend, so I am beginning to thing September could be a great month.)

4. I am looking for people to work on weekends. This led me to spend a couple of hours calling job fairs and employment places, then Leslie talking to the Texas Workforce Commission and then me creating job postings and making flyers. It was great. I love spending my work hours trying to figure out something that isn't actually my job. It's stressful, because my boss apparently thinks I am way cooler than I actually am, but I'm totally not. Because I'm only one person.
This ties into...

5. I love YouTube. Our website optimizer people up North emailed me today to let me know that our web views are peaking and starting to decline, which basically means one thing. Do something new. Our website is blog-based (whatever that means. I like computers, but I haven't started college yet.) and they suggested actually start writing blog posts on the website. Which is cool. I could totally do that. Except my sweet, loving, control freak boss would nix everything I put on there, but will refuse to do it himself. But first, I had to change the layout of the website. Which I managed to do. I was pretty pumped. I haven't gotten past like, step 2, but I'm working on it. I think it's way prettier than the one we had before. BUT I have to figure out how to (1) create a blog tab and (2) make this "Blog" tab actually post my blogs. And, excuse my language, but that shit's hard. I watched about 9 videos on YouTube, and managed to create a page, but I can't figure out where I've sent it, and I'm pretty sure that it's just chilling in Cyber space and still isn't even displaying our blog.

Anywho, today I bought Xiaden a birthday present to give her on her actual birthday since we aren't having her party til a week later. It's a MLP dress and it's super cute, and since we will actually be going to Sheller's son's birthday that evening, it will be colossal amounts of adorable. I also got some cute little bow clips for her unruly mop, since they are going to help tame it AND decorate her (I think they kind of look like curled shiney ribbon) I also bought her a MLP nightdress. All of this in a MLP gift bag. She's looking at the bag, sitting on the table with all this pink paper and Pinkie Pie staring at her, and she's having a countdown in her head. She knows her birthday is Sunday, and she knows today is Tuesday, and she cannot wait for it to be Sunday. Because of that present. Kamden asked me where his "ka-chow present" is. I don't know if I have the heart to break it to the kid that he has another month to wait.

Anywho, I just made plans to set off fireworks this Friday out at my Mema's house, and I'm excited because no one ever let me set off explosives before, so it'll be my first time. It'll probably just me and mom and the kiddos. Mom has invited one of her sweet friends from church, so we might make a party out of it. A little barbeque, a little alcohol, a little exploding prettiness in the sky. It'll be great. Tylor most likely has to work, Kyle is ditching us for his girlfriend, and my aunts and uncles are all preoccupied, which is odd. When I was younger, mema's house was THE place to be on the 4th, since it's far enough out side of city limits that we can explode shizz ;) My mom loves fireworks. The kids love Mema's. I love the thought of setting off fireworks by myself. It should be a GREAT night :)

Anyway, I'm going to shower and hit the hay. Y'all have sweet dreams & let me know what you'll be doing to celebrate Independence Day! :)