So I lied

I write yesterday that I'd be talking about super cool stuff today. Then I was busy at work, I came home and helped mom get things started for Tylor's (my baby brother, the very youngest, yet very largest of all of ny brothers) graduation party, while we watched Radio (with Cuba Jr <3 ) and then Grease (because I love it.) I was in charge of cutting out very large numbers out if very large poster papers. (Pics later) Then mom went on an extended smoke break and I drew two My Little Ponies on the left over poster paper (pinkie pie and Fluttershy) (pinkie pie is for Xiaden's looming 5th birthday, we'll be playing pin the tail on the pinkie pie) (Fluttershy is because when I sent the picture of Pinkie pie to Shelly, she threw a fit because Fluttershy is her favorite, so I drew Fluttershy) then I got seriously side tracked and started playing Soul Caliber Five.

Whoops.
So, I'll try to tell the truth, the super awesome blog I spoke of 24 hours ago will probably not happen until Monday. Tomorrow I have graduation in the morning and I have to DJ a wedding in the evening. Sunday is grad party for my three favorite 2014 grads, which I will also be DJing got. So busy weekend. I promise, cooker things are heading your way. Till then...

-B

Harassment

I have a blog stalker disguised as a best friend. Since she is masquerading as my best friend, she hears all of my "I'm going to write a blog post about that!" exclamations.

As a result, I am going to write one about her today.

yes, Steffie Marie, this is all for you.

...and James, I suppose.

SO. As previously stated,  (in my last blog post) I hosted a baby shower this past weekend. Steffie basically told me blue, green, little man, super casual. 

SO.

 Shower invitations. I saw something quite similar to it on the pinterest, then I recreated it. I'm very good at doing that. Recreating. Yep. I'm awesome.

 So, we get to the hotel Steffie rented, and the room we had was not the room we asked for. I mean, technically, it was, but it was supposed to be a quarter of a ballroom, but we got half instead. so, twice the space, twice the EVERYTHING. Tables, chairs, everything. Except People. People were the same. Awesome surprise. 

AKA, Brittany picked up extra table cloths and 50 (yes, 50) balloons.

(the plate table....) (I mentioned they gave us way too many tables, right?)

 food table. Shelly made those cupcakes. Shelly and I frosted them while the Steffie had contractions (WOOHOO!) They were awful. Because of the frosting. In order to get blue and green, Shelly tried a new thing she found, called blue raspberry icing. And mint icing. 

And Oh my Sweet baby Jesus, they were terrible. 

Nearly inedible. 

And since we made them, they probably should have come with a warning label anyway. 

****CAUTION: Fingers WERE licked during the process of producing these cupcakes.

 Drink Table. (soda pop. teeheehee, it had a sign, but you can not see it. Obviously. It's below.)

Steffie wanted fruit kabobs.... She actually just wanted fruit everything. ALL THE THINGS NEED TO BE SWEET AND FRUITY!!!

And poptarts. to go along with POP!

(OK, we also had a popcorn bar with different toppings and such, but everything else was sweet. No pictures, but it was delicious. Shelly had an insider at the movie theater so it was MOVIE THEATER POPCORN. and like, store-bought stuff)

Then there was the onesie decorating table.

 

It was by far the most popular table.

There was also a table called late night diapers. Where we bought a box of size 1 diapers in her diaper of choice, and then encouraged everyone to write encouraging notes on the butts so when Steffie or James are stuck changing Luke's diapers, they are encouraged.

most of them turned out to be funny.

like...

a tiny skull and cross bones that said "argh, change me booty."

and 

"daddy's turn!"

except I forgot to take pictures... whoops.

Of course, there were games of an incredibly wide variety. None were mandatory.
We're not here to torture people. Just entertain them.

Separation Anxiety. 

Basically, you get a pile of M&Ms (we counted out 75 after we suspected cheating the first time around) and six cups.

then you proceed to use one hand to sort the m&ms, one color at a time. all of one color before you can move on to the next. It's a race. Plus, then you get to eat M&Ms!!!

 FAVORITE GAME. 

Okay, so it's called how to make a baby. One person holds a roll of toilet paper between their legs and the other has a plunger (we bought ours at dollar tree. EVERYTHINGS A DOLLAR.) and then you proceed to... well, make a baby. You start at different lines, and have to somehow make it together, without using your hands, get the handle in the hole. Again, no hands. It's hilarious.

Guy on guy action, girl on girl, doggie, I mean, hey. We're pretty flexible here.... ;)

Then, the plungers can be used for other things.

Baby bottle drinking game. 


This took for freaking ever. Word to the wise? DONT FILL THE BOTTLES UP. I don't know how those babies to it, they have magic sucking abilities that I do not. We were there for an uncomfortably long time, and it only ended when someone strait up bit through the baby nipple and drank that nonsense down. I lost. I didn't even care, really. It turned into torture.

We also played the don't say baby game.

I lost. Horribly.
I forgot to take pictures of the prize bags, but they were basically tiny paper bags, about the size of my wallet, with a $5 starbucks gift card & various candy. Chocolate, though. Like, Kisses and Rollos and Reece's. The good stuff. None of that pop stuff.

But, basically, it was a great thing, It was pretty laid back, it had something for everyone, and a lot of good conversations.

Steffie requested that all presents be given unwrapped, because she feels pretty weird about people just watching her open baby presents. There are only so many times you can say "awe!" and "so cute." and "I love it!"

Instead, she said "oh thank you so much!" when people set the things on the table.

easy.

so, that's all I have for today, class. We will be meeting again tomorrow, to discuss my mom's lack of Syfy knowledge, new books I'm reading, my spontaneous new purchase, and the latest updates of my custody agreement.

Til then,
Peace! B.

ps.

all photography by Kelli <3

(if you want printable versions of the things I made, they are all below)
plus, if you want me to make you custom invitations or anything, just let me know ;)

I MADE A MISTAKE.

I asked people what they wanted to read on this awesome thing. So. Now. I. Have. So. Many. Ideas. And. I. Have. To. Prioritize. OMG.
My brain may explode soon. I had comments, texts, pins and phone calls about blog post ideas.

So, I do what I always do when I am overwhelmed.
I shut down and take a nap.
But not really, I can't sleep at work. I like to not be fired.

So, I'm going to tell you about my week, kay?

Monday: I honestly cannot remember that far back. I just checked my time sheet and I didn't have lunch, and no one came to love me. I met up with Shayne briefly, and I do mean briefly, like five whole minutes, so he could give me the kids' insurance cards. After that, I didn't have anything to do except talk to Steffie about the weekend, because it's sweet & LOH's babyshower on Saturday.

Tuesday: Work work work. Tons of meetings, for real though. Then I got a call from daycare that said Kam was making bad choices (aka, the little shit threw a step stool at his teacher because he didn't want to wash his hands after he finished peeing. WHY.) and that he needed to be picked up for the day, so he got to spend the day with Mema (which isn't a punishment. not at all. Mema loves her grandbabies and greatgrandbabies too too too much to even frown at them for too long - she'll get her own blog post sooner or later. Just know that I basically picked up Kamden for being a terrible toddler and sent him to his personal version of Disney Land. He got mema to himself, and have fun and not be at school.  IF only I could have taken off work. That little heathen would have been in three year old jail. Everyone kept laughing when I said he got kicked out of daycare. Like, who does that??? He's gonna be kicked out of kindergarten next year!!) After we did that little adventure, Shelly and I went to lunch and were surprised by Steffie's appearance. We drank really awful and cheap wine and ate delicious pizza and salads at Palio's. I love Palio's. (Don't tell my boss, but hey, my kid got kicked out of daycare, I think it's a valid reason to have one glass of wine during the day.) Worked some more, talked more with the Steffie. I stayed up and made signs for all the baby shower things. They are tres cute. I'll post them Monday.

Wednesday: Since Shelly and I didn't have #AdventureTimeTuesday (every Tuesday we eat at a place we haven't been. Which is surprisingly a lot, and it's crazy because we've lived here forever) we went to lunch at MD's Pizza, because my crazy aunt said it was delish (we saw a bug crawl into the kitchen and were super paranoid the rest of the time. I had a mysterious black substance on my otherwise normal (and super greasy) pepperoni pizza and I just couldn't. The salad was okay, and the ranch was too runny. We labeled it a fail. That didn't keep my crazy aunt from going there the same day. I think I paranoid her too.) And went to Hobby Lobby to find stuffs for cupcake making for said baby shower, realized we were clueless and some nice lady kept helping us. Sweeeeeet.

Thursday: super boring day at work, but I left my phone at home (OMG) So I ran home during lunch and dropped off Xia's kindergarten enrollment stuff at her almost-new school, then grabbed Arby's and ate it in my car. Work work work, pick up children from daycare, have a hilarious conversation with Xiaden, home, feed children, read books, watch MLP, get everyone in bed, and then I had to go shopping with Steffie and Kelli to buy supplies for said baby shower. DollarTree, Target and Walmart were involved. At one point there were white girl selfies and Starbucks, not to mention a running pregnant lady and a wrapping paper sword fight - Kelli disowned us.
That endeavor lasted til past Eleven.

Friday: Woke up late, still made it in to work early (it's a personal win for me.) I have no lunch plans, so I'm going to Hobby Lobby again. Mwahahaha. So after work, I get to pick up children, take them home, feed them, change and go back to work, at a venue this time, to train a new girl for two hours. After that's all done, I have to change, go to Shelly's, decorate cupcakes and get everything we can ready for shower tomorrow.

I'm going to look into the future now.

Saturday: get up ridiculously early. Buy balloons filled with helium. Go to the hotel, get tables clothed, set out bowls and such, scatter candy around, change, get made up, pretty and such, then host a baby shower, complete with ridiculous games and such. Clean up, maybe work, maybe get drinks with Shelly, sleep until Monday.

Sunday: JK I have kids, I can't sleep until Monday. We'll probably veg and watch my little pony and order pizza.

Yeah.
I know. I live an exciting life.
But really though, I want a nap.

I promise, I will talk about cooler stuff next time :)
-Bertney.

Jack Squat

Here's the thing.
I don't know how to name blogs. Generally, I leave it blank, empty my mind and then just stick something random in the title bar and hit publish. I always think I could write a book, since I have all these awesome ideas and brilliant inspiration all around me. Then I realize two things, writing is hard and I would have to think of a title.
I mean, sure, I could have a select few read it and give me ideas for a title, but what's the point? It's going to have my name underneath it. It'll have my combination of words between the covers. So, I would be narcissistic and insist on finding my own title, nestled somewhere amongst my pages.
But that brings us back to writing is hard.

However, I have decided what to write about today.
I had a dream last week. I've told one or two people about it, so I can remember it well enough, or at least the details I remembered to tell them. It was a really strange, one of those dreams you kind of know you are dreaming in, but at the same time it all feels so real? Allow me to elaborate on my personal life before diving into the depths of my subconscious.
There's a boy, and he's cute and I kind of like him, but not enough to do anything about it. Right? Right. We've all been there, whether we admit it or not. We will call him Jack, for kicks and giggles, but if you're on a semi regular talking basis with me, you can guess.
SO. I am getting ready for my wedding, kay? and I'm wearing this really interesting wedding dress, right? And I am going down the aisle and there's Jack, looking handsome in a tux (which really bewildered me because I can noooooot picture "Jack" wearing a tux ever in his whole life. He was wearing chucks though, so that made me a little more comfortable.) And I notice that my maid(matron?) of honor was Leslie (whaaaa?) and his best man was Reed(double whaaaaaaaa?) and I found it sad that the only person "Jack" could find to be his best man was Reed, and then I said it was probably because "Jack" is super cranky and has no friends. Which is wrong wrong wrong, because he totally has friends. Like, two, maybe, but definitely enough that Reed wouldn't have to be his best man.
SO. Then we were magically at the reception, and it was awesome, except this crazy, and I mean certifiably, chick I used to work with was there as the DJ (which would never ever happen, she's bonkers, he and I are entirely too picky about music, PLUS I know for a fact that "Jack" had an encounter with her before she went nutzo, so there is just so much NOPE in that one detail, I knew it couldn't be real.) and it's all beautiful and perfect and just right, and then I realize that none of my family was there. My kids weren't even in the ceremony. Weird. My friends weren't there either, which was also incredibly wrong, because my friends are the kind of people that would karate chop a bouncer to get into my wedding. For real, though. So I start kinda looking at them, and I am starting to recognize some of these faces, and check it out - they are all brides and grooms that have used Boyd's Events for their weddings. No joke. Every single person that was at my reception were married, using the company I work for. Creepy.
And since they were all married, no one was there to catch my bouquet, which was sad for dream Brittany. So when we were exiting (we used cake sprinkles, btw. Totally okay for the environment, biodegradable and realllly pretty in pictures) and guess what?
The car we rode away in was a '67 Impala.
Driven by Dean Winchester.
But it didn't matter to Dream Brittany, because I had "Jack" and "Jack" was the sexiest man on earth and I didn't need a sexy Dean Winchester.

...
That specific moment was when I knew I was dreaming.

Dean>>>>>>"Jack"
True story, bro. Well, kind of.

Anywho, the prodigal ginger brother has at long last returned to the house (aka Kyle, who moved out and I've only seen at family functions since, is here and has decided we are having a movie night) so I must bid you adieu, my loves.
Stay brilliant.
-B.

Face in a Bag

Hey y'all!
So, my mom didn't use much make up and neither did her mom, which basically means that little Brittany watched a youtube video on how to put eyeliner on correctly back in the 9th grade, and that was the extent of my make up regime, until about three years ago when I discovered mascara, and my miraculous break through about a year ago, when I fell in love with bright red lipstick.
So, since I have great friends, Shelly has been slowly teaching me about all the things.
AKA, when we have a moms night out and head to Rockin' or Grahams, I sit in her bathroom and she makes me pretty while I pay attention to what's going on.
The result is...
Well, I now have a large pencil bag full of make up, and my 20 second make up routine increased exponentially.
So, today class, I will be sharing with you the things that I found that work best with my facial area.

First. I want to tell you that I have tried the whole dry shampoo thing, while being extremely skeptical and I have got to say, OMG ITS BRILLIANT. I have really fine hair, but I have a lot of it. So much hair. And if I go more than 18 hours without a shower, I start getting super shiny and pretty stringy. Not a good look. So, I went to the Walmart and grabbed the first one I saw (uh, because I was super eager to escape Walmart. I should have gone to Target, but I was on the wrong side of town and in a hurry)

I bought the Pantene Dry Shampoo 

I felt a little weird, because I seriously couldn't dismiss the image of me spraying the spray deodorant on my noggin.but hey, it worked brilliantly, I am a firm believer in dry shampoo, however, I will continue actually washing my hair on a triweekly basis.

Next, we're going to go rapid fire.
I picked up all the stuffs at Target during my lunch break after having a brief discussion with a random lady who looked like she knew what she was doing way more than I did.

Revlon photo ready perfecting Primer

it was like, 15 bucks, but it is so worth it. I like not sweating my makeup off my face, so I forked over the money until I can find a suitable DIY version at home.

Hard Candy Glamoflauge concealer

It's a pretty great concealer. Especially with me stressin' and awesome zits poppin up all over the place. It's nice. I use my hands for everything so I just kind of dab and smear... I haven't been taught about brushes yet. Stop judging me.

Revlon photo ready airbrush mousse make up (base)
OMG I LOVE IT. It's a mousse. As I'm sure you can infer from the title, but still. I can squirt it into my hand and spead that foamy greatness all over my face and it is evenly distributed. SO EASY.

Rimmel Eyebrow pencil

So good. It comes with the brush and everything. For whatever reason, that fact alone pleases me. Usually I just use brown eyeliner. I feel like they're the same thing.

Wet N Wild Eyeshadow Primer

It does a great job of keeping my shadow stuck to my eyelids! Like all day! It's never stayed all day before! YAY for eyeshadow primer. Kind of expensive, though, so I'm also on the hunt for a gooooood DIY replacement.

Maybelline Eye Shadow

Purple does good things for my brown eyes. Really does. This is perfeeeeect. It also has a picture on the back that tells me what goes where. Go Maybelline and the awesome diagrams teaching idiots like me how to correctly layer different shades of eye shadow.

I've already told you about my eyeliner :) So search for it yourself within my bloggy blog blog archives. They're to your right, if you haven't read all of them yet. You should. I'm quite brilliant.

L'Oreal Power Volume (24 hour)(Black) mascara

It makes me have longer and fuller lashes. And Let me tell you, It stays stuck on there for 24+ hours. It's good stuff.

 

Revlon's Love That Red Lipstick

My current love of my life. It's so pretty! I am wearing it in my facebook profile, and for those who are creepy and are following my blog from somewhere other than my facebook friends list here I am!

 

I know. Tres cute. And slightly ghosty. I should tan, but I actually hate the sun. Maybe I can pull off the porcelain doll thing... Hm.
(note: this is before I bought all my new makeups. This is actually just eyeliner, mascara and lipstick. all other products will be on my face and posted soon, so you can see me and all my makeupy learny glory. and stuff.)

 

Okay, I don't wear blush, mostly because I am very good at blushing myself. And I can't contour for nothing, so I gave up. I should watch more Jeffree Star. That guy is fabulous.

I could go into detail about my face cleansing routine, but I'm just too lazy to go find pictures and links to everything. Maybe another day.

Stay beautiful, loves!
Brittanyyyy

PS. I just want to point out that I am a saint. Today was Shayneypoo's birthday and I had the kids sing happy birthday to him, recorded it and sent it to him. I am a good person. Also, he cried, so that made me feel better about being a good person, because usually, I want to ship the father of my children to Guatemala or something.
I don't know why I picked Guatemala. But it sounds good, right?
Anyway, happy birthday to my ex husband, and happy Hump day to everyone else :)

Mummuh.

Well, I had a wonderful wonderful weekend :) I hope all of yours went swimmingly as well.
I know, it's Tuesday, but my Monday was a letdown after my Friday Saturday Sunday.
Let's just say that my Saturday looked a lot like this

mommy and I got tattoos for mother's day.
I'm very pleased.
also, no tears, no cussing and minimal berating of the tattoo artist.

Saturday night looked a lot like this. LEE PROM.
I must say again, I love my job. Even though I was up super late and my legs are STILL sore from dancing with these kids, I had a blast.

Cody came over after prom and pickups were done and forced me to stay mostly conscious until 5 am.

Why? He had to work at 7:30 AM and didn't want to sleep through his alarm. His mentality? Just don't sleep. My mentality? I HAVE THREE CHILDREN.
So, when I woke up at 11 and pleasantly realized that I received the best mother's day present ever: I got to sleep in. Momma took the heathens to church and I ate cereal and watched Supernatural until they got home.

Yeah... yum. Eye of the Tiger was the best thing ever. Actually that whole episode was perfection.
(I finished season 4 last night. (and started season 5) Just gotta say. WAHHHHH :'( I'm addicted and sad)

Anywho.
mom came home with my kiddos and we went to Cici's, with my Mema & Papa, my Nana, my brothers, mom, Aunts, cousins and an uncle type person.
Then we went and hung out and took naps.
Yes, I do believe the entire house took a nap at one time or another.

Then this happened. HOW CUTE ARE WE?
Ps, I totally id have tons of pictures of Kam smiling, but this was my favorite. He told me he didn't want to take a picture.
Then I tickled him and all was well.
I cannot say the same for Rhyssie girl, this was the only semihappy picture I could get out of her, because she loves her Mema more than me :'(
But I secretly know its because Mema doesn't ever make her drink water. It's always good stuff with sugar. Also, she feeds her brownies. True story.

So that was my weekend.
Yesterday no good things happened and I'm over it, so I won't bore you with the details.

HOWEVER I went to a new food place, because Shelly and I have decided to eat at a new place every Tuesday, and dubbed it Adventure Time Tuesday.
This week it was Pizzeria Venti, and while I hated my salad, my pasta thingys were delicious.
but not as good as my gelato. Nom nom nom.
Apparently it's been there for 10 years and I just fail at life.
Next week: Cafe Unique. Time for some Venezuelan food. ARIPAS!!!
;)

Til next time, guys.
B.

Favorite Friday

I'm just going to say that today has been a long day for me and I'm going to leave it at that. I have been feeling rather hermit-y lately, but with three children, I very rarely go out by myself. I'd love to take them to the drive in, but what happens when Xiaden needs to pee, and Rhys is asleep?
See? These are the only times I miss having a spouse. Not miss Shayne, necessarily, but miss having someone who loves me enough to sit through a kid movie and watch various kids while I am running in and out for the toilet.
I went to the drive in by myself once, and I made Xia and Kam both use the bathroom before the movie. Xiaden is a freak of nature and can apparently hold her urine in for 6+ hours, and I think it's fantastic bladder control for a four year old. Kamden, however, must have a bladder the size of a pea because he needs to pea constantly.
That was the night I forced my OCD son to pee in a bottle. I think it was the scariest time of his whole life and it may have scarred him forever, that's how incredibly nervous and petrified he was. But the baby was sleeping and we were at the screen furthest away from the toilets, so I improvised.
I don't want to do that to him again. However, Mom has some graduation to go to, Ty has to work, Kyle has abandoned me as his sister for all intensive purposes, and Steffie and Shelly are hiding from work because they're both liars. (love you!)
On that note, I am not going to be going to the drive in tonight. I will probably live dangerously and order pizza and let the kids eat in the living room while we all watch episodes of My Little Pony on Netflix (for the third time, may I add. Netflix really needs to add more, I am just saying. I need to know what happens to Twilight now that she has her princess wings. mkayyyyy?) while I sit on Tumblr and Pinterest.
(my tumblr & my pinterest, if you care.) Which you probably don't, because it's full of Fandom stuff.

So that's gonna be fun.
...

Not really, but I have a small stack of books I could read. and When I say small, I mean Brandon Sanderson's Mistborn Trilogy that Cody lent me weeks ago, and Christopher Paolini's The Inheritance Cycle (AKA Eragon) that I bought two weeks ago. I have just been hooked on Supernatural and if I find any spare time, I watch my boys instead of reading

Because I just hit season 4 & met Cas.
even if he comes off like a shady politician from the planet Vulcan
;)

And really, there's nothing better than those three men.
Except for maybe Bobby, cause he's hilarious.

And I am getting the feeling that bobby may not be around for too much longer, and if you watch it, and you love me, you will shut your piehole!!!

Love me some pie ;)

Anywho, it's time to collect children and pizza and ponies.

lalalalauve you!
Brittany