Things That Shouldn't Bug Me As Much As They Actually Do.

1. Plastic bags
Legit, I don't know why. I sincerely dislike them. Especially when I go places and they put like, 2 things in each plastic bag... like. stick a bunch of shizz in there, I don't need any more plastic bags. Stop it.

2. People who leave their blinkers on.
It upsets me more than than people who don't use blinkers at all. Like, wait. are you actually going to turn any time soon? Then six blocks later, it's all still blinkity blinkity and you just want to honk at them repeatedly.

3. Books that are just a huge letdown.
I just read Paper Towns by John Green. And I love John Green. Brad turned me onto John Green, and for that, I love Brad. But I didn't like Paper Towns. I legit texted Brad at 1 am and told him I was unimpressed with Paper Towns, and he lovingly agreed with me. Seriously. I finished it yesterday. Still grumping about it.

4. When the store has literally everything except what you need.
It's happened to me a couple of times this week. Office Depot didn't have the folders I wanted. PetSmart didn't have the right size of turtle filters. It's irksome. Have all the things I need, okay store? It's you're like, one job.

5. Automatic Updates.
No phone, don't do that. I like snapchat the way it is. Hey Windows 8, who gave you the permission to just become Windows 8.1? Not me. I sure didn't. Now everything looks funny. And wait, what? My wifi doesn't work anymore?? Screw that.

6. When people turn on the hot water while I'm in the shower.
Why? Because I freeze. Then I start yelling about how I'm freezing, and so they turn it from completely hot to completely cold, effectively burning my freezing skin in .3 seconds flat.

7. When pistachio shells don't actually have pistachios in them.
Or even worse? when they're mcnasty. like, you bite into it and it's so gross. Then you pick up another one and the shell is empty?? And you just get sad and dejected. Then later, when the bag is empty and you almost through it away, you find the lonely pistachio chilling in a pile of salt and shell pieces, all sad and lonely.

8. THIS.

9. When there is an abundance of cereal... and no milk.
Have you ever washed a bowl and a spoon... poured yourself a bowl of cereal and you're just super happy... walked your happy butt to the refridgerator... and there is no freaking milk in it? Like, why can't we live in a world where milk and cereal exist in exactly the correct proportions??

10. When Tylor the jolly giant drives my car for an obviously Brittany-oriented reason, and leaves my drivers seat so far back that when I get in I can't reach the pedals.
I know I'm short, okay? I don't need a reminder. I just don't.

That's all for today :)

House-y!

So, January 20th, a while ago, my mama was born.
So... January 16th, a week ago, I put a top secret plan into place.

I have been planning this secret plan in secret for a year.
Picking my mom's brain.
Trying to figure out what tools and magic I would need to enact this secret plan.
AND I did.
I just want to say, I am a fantastic daughter.
I combated a couple of huuuuuge douche bags.
I recruited the Mema to ... distract the Mom.
I had all these magic people volunteer to help me with this surprise plan.
:D
Anyway...

This is my mom's house.
or I should say... this was my mom's house.
not anymore though.

a new graaaaaaaaaaaaaay!!!

 cutest little helpers everrrr! :)

we worked for.... all day. like, as soon as the sun was up, til the sun was down.

 notice anything? (PS, the unruly rose bushes are gone.)

 It's awesooooooome!

 it's a darker grey. & goodbye navy, hello yellow! (it starts to look like nacho cheese after a while)

Dos bushes, tho! 

so now... the fun part!

 Tylor and I hid outside with my camera and shivered.... and waited.

she's surprised.

 Just taking it all in...

 She noticed the rose bushes were gone :)

 Happy Momma! 

 Observing everything.

 Then she noticed we painted the whole house a darker grey.

 Tylor pointed out we weren't all the way finished.

 Its funny to her. Ha Ha Ha not finished with painting.

 She liiiikes my numbers!!!

 Observe.

 Seriously, those smiles.

 Standing back and taking it all in :)

So HAPPY!!! :D

I'm not finished, though. We're going to plant some new bushes where the old mostly dead ones were, and shrubbery does not come into nurseries until March.

I'm also thinking of getting some trellis-y stuff, and we'll paint it yellow and get some vine-y stuff and be awesome.

SUPER PUMPED!

Next step... Tilling the yard.

Step after that... widening the driveway. 

Step after that, literally tearing the entire house down and starting over.

yeeeeeeeeeeeeahhhhhhhhhh.

Is Everyone an Idiot?

You know how you just love some people?
I mean, they can be friends or family, lovers or co workers... Who ever they are, you love them.
well, at least I do. I love some people.
and sometimes some of those people? they just do dumb shit. like, repeatedly.

I don't like the people I love to be hurting.
I do whatever I can to stop it.
But when people I love do dumb shit that hurts themselves, I just want to bang my head against the wall.
I mean, its not like I don't tell them that I think they are not making good choices.
but do they listen to me?
OF COURSE NOT.
so its like watching a train wreck.
and there's going to be this explosion and people are going to get hurt, and you had this opportunity to talk your lovey person off this train before it left the station, and that loved person hears you, and knows you're probably right, but stays on the train anyway.
and so I just watch them, stay on the track that is going to destroy them.
people are stupid.
I'm stupid, on occasion.
but generally, I jump off the train before the actual collision.
and I just don't understand why people do shit that they know is going to end badly. like, horribly.
why don't people liiiiiiiiistennnn.


if the shoe fits, wear it lovers.

Aye Aye Aye

Holy crap. I woke up today hoping it was Friday, but knowing it was Thursday.
Then I realized that I had school today.
And I panicked because I didn't write my paragraph for English!
But I remembered that I had school yesterday.
So obviously I couldn't have class again today.
That could only mean one thing.
IT. IS. WEDNESDAY.
*insert string of curse words here*
but I have ignored you, my loves. Let me love you.
Let me tell you about the first day of second semester... Which I must confess was significantly less exciting than the first day of first semester.
but still awesome!

My math Prof makes me feel like I have a shot at passing the first math class I've attended in five years. I believe in me, because he is awesome.
My English Prof ... well she just reminds me of a 45 year old pixie. It should be interesting.
My Speech teacher is hilarious. She hasn't gotten her doctorate, but I accidentally called her "Dr. Martin" to which she replied "not a doctor. I mean you can call me master martin, I suppose. I have my masters... but I think if you were to do that you should call me Mistress Martin. It just sounds more feminine." and the whole class was like this. Good fun time.

My ASL prof... well, I sat outside of her classroom with someone else and we chatted until we realized after half an hour that no one was coming.
I checked my schedule... it doesn't start til the 20th.
Dumb da dumb dumb duuuuumb!
So now I have something exciting to do on my mother's forty first birthday. yay!

and that is all the love I can give to you today.
:*

Canvas!

Fact: there is nothing grandparents love more than their grandchildren... Except for maybe their great grandchildren.
I speak from experience!

so, for Christmas (now that Christmas is over, and I can post these things without spoiling the surprise) my children and I set about making all of their grandparents (and great grandparents) (and even their regular parent (who does not live with them - aka not me.)) presents that were not going to make my wallet empty, but would really make them smile.
well, I thought salt dough ornaments at first, but there's really only one time a year that those can even be seen, so I eighty sixed that idea.
Then I thought of having the kids tell me a story (something they're very good at) and I would write the words as they drew the pictures. (ain't nobody got time for that. Plus, I would have wanted to put it in a legit book form, not just printer paper folded in half and stapled, and that wasn't going to happen.) So I thought, and I thought, and I thought.
and then I got on Pinterest.
and I was Pinspired.
aha.
canvas.
Wine and canvas are huge these days, so why not have my minions create their own art to go along side the well thought out and carefully painted masterpieces of their grandparents?
so I went to work.

first, I browsed the billions and billions of kid's canvas ideas, and I settled on using body parts and paint.
so I went to hobby lobby on my lunch break, and bought 6 canvases. (they were sold in pairs, so I just bought three of them) grabbed some paint (in metallics and neons. woohoo!)
in total, the project probably cost a whopping $20 bucks. FOR ALL OF THEM.
Eep! So excited.

I picked my kids up from daycare, took them home and immediately stripped all three down to their knickers, so I wouldn't paint their clothes (trust me, it would have happened.)
Children were confused but I busted out the paint and they were game!

I painted Rhys's foot first.
she was less than pleased, it was hilarious. she eventually got into the spirit, but she was pretty hesitant about letting me touch her feet again.
The kids were less than pleased to have to wait.
so, as I sat on the middle of the kitchen floor with naked children pressuring me to paint them, I regretted this decision.
but it's okay, because look how well they turned out!!

hahahaha, I'm kidding. This was just step one.

check out the final product though :D

I know you got a sneak peak, but here's what happened.

Mema & Papa, Mimi & Papa (the in-laws) and Gigi all got one of the "Hearts and Toes" Canvases.

MeMa & Papa Got a Grand bay bees one (because they're great grandparents.)

Mema got a "wrapped around my finger" canvas from Rhys because honestly, my grandmother spoils my youngest child more than she spoiled me, and I thought that was pretty hard to beat.

Shayne got a canvas that has the kids feet painted green, hanging down with berry or something (idk pinterest) and it said "Mistletoes" across the bottom.

I was not present for the Mimi & Papa / Shayne present opening, but Mimi (Melanie) sent me a text saying she loved it (score!)

I was present but not competely awake when Gigi opened hers, and she loves it (currently hanging in her bedroom - another win)

and as you can tell, Mema & Papa loooove theirs too!

so that was the pinspired Christmas present making of 2014, woohoo!

Officially The Worst Mom Ever.

So yesterday Gigi (my mom) took the kids out to go "skating" (Xiaden has been jonesing for a snowball fight all winter. I tried to have a soap bubble fight but it didn't trick her - skating was the next best thing for her) so they bundled up and got warm and fuzzy, and trekked out into the wilderness that is our front yard. They flooded back in and both the kids are crying. The baby and I are cuddled up in a chair under a blanket and my mom is trying to reason with the tiny humans, saying they have to come inside for a minute to warm up.

Xiaden, my smart little debater, starts asking her why, why, why. Finally my mom says "If you stay out there your fingers will get so cold and turn black and fall off."
and Xia and Kam are both like "Whatever, you liar" and so I ask them if they want to see.
I pull up google and show them this...

which I am not entirely sure is actually frostbite, but it scared them enough to stop wanting to go outside.

actually, it scared Kam even more than a little. The guy was petrified. Like, balling, hiding in my mom's lap.

Xiaden walks up to Gigi and tells her they need to warm up or their fingers will fall off. And Gigi says " oh I think you'll be okay, except maybe this finger, it's black."

and Xiaden is seriously freaking out. "What."

and looks at her finger, which is black under the finger nail because of a finger vs. car door battle she lost last week. And she's freaking out until she realizes that it was black before she went outside and laughs at her Gigi, and says we tricked her.

Then mom is looking at Kam's fingers and notices that my little nail biter has an infection around his nail on his thumb.

So, I say "come here, Kam. I wanna look at your fingers." And he starts wailing. He does not want to come anywhere near me. He's horrified.

So of course I say "I just want to cut it off."

...

my son's eyes widen and he hides in my mom's shoulder and is just freaking the truck out.

so after I coax him into my lap after a while, and I'm looking at this swollen red finger and of course I push on it and puss oozes out. He starts crying and I said "Do I need to find some scissors?'

and I have to pin the kid down.

then we put his finger into a shot glass of peroxide, which he was not happy about.

he was less than pleased.  Of course, smarty pants Xiaden hears me telling Kamden he can't bite his finger nails anymore because it gives him owies, and he agrees. Xiaden comes up and says "Yeah Kam you can't bite your fingers or they'll fall off." Which results in another panic attack, (as I laugh behind his head) Then he didn't want to take his thumb out of the peroxide after an hour, and my mom says she wants to put a different medicine and a band aid on it, and for one reason or another Kamden absolutely does not want a band aid on his thumb. But we stuck it on him anyway and he was just fine.

and that, ladies and gents, is how you traumatize your children.

A Whole New Year!

Happy 2015, all :)

Yesterday, the last day of 2014 I woke up to freaking ice.

I hate cold weather. I haaaaaaaaate it.

(in the picture of my finger nails, that white thing is the width of ice I pulled off my windshield. Ugh.

But I drove myself to work (late) and slid around the streets (which is terrifying. You never thing about how scary cars are until you are surrounded by huge heavy objects that can't be controlled and they could easily kill you. Turning is so scary!)

I made it to work, and then every New Years Eve party we had scheduled cancelled and we all went home early. yay!

Then I went home, chilled with the fam, played a little guitar hero, drank a little more than a little wine (out of my new favorite wine glass that I got for Christmas) and then we brought in the new year!!!

we played Quelf. Haven't heard of it? Well, it's not dirty or anything, which I usually get a lot when I say the word Quelf.

It's awesome. Check out Quelf! I got it for my mom for Christmas (from Target, if you're wondering)

Well one of the action cards was "flip the timer and pretend you are a photographer. Use your imaginary camera and take pictures of your opponents, telling them things like "work it baby" "who's my bad little kitty?" and "my camera is on fire!" until the timer runs out. Double your next roll if you use a real camera and take real pictures."

... I just happened to get a Canon for Christmas, so I of course, run to the living room (where I had previously been taking wine selfies of myself with my canon) and grabbed it to take pictures with. Enjoy these beautiful things.

Of course, I had more than just great family to help me welcome 2015. I had great textual company to keep me smiling, too. I love all of you crazy people.

I have sworn off carbonated beverages for the year of 2015. It's my resolution. It should be interesting... ;)

What are y'all's resolutions?? :)

Comment that nonsense below, I wanna know!!!