Fourth Christmas

Today (erm, yesterday?) was the fourth Christmas I spent as a single mom.
That's a crazy thought to wrap my head around, that I've been coordinating multi family Christmas excursions for my littles.
But it's great.
Because I'm no longer in an emotionally abusive relationship.
I'm no longer lacking confidence or self worth.
I'm no longer having panic attacks thinking he'll leave me alone.

Because it's done. Finished. I walked away from a toxic marriage, hoping time apart would heal what we broke and glued back together, that time would allow the glue to do it's work. But instead, the time apart convinced my husband we should never be together.
And I was devastated. I was alone with two children and a baby on the way, and the center of my universe walked out if it.

But in the years that followed, magic happened. I found who I really was as an adult, and I loved myself. I shed the self doubt and self consciousness and embraced who I was. And who I am is a woman who can raise three kids alone. A woman who knows what she wants and refuses to settle for less. A sensitive woman who will not let the world harden her.
That's who I am today.
Four years ago, I was in this bed, mourning my first Christmas alone.
Tonight I'm in this bed, celebrating the person I am because I'm alone.

Tonight, I'm laying in bed, content with who I am.
Tomorrow morning, I will wake up content with who I am.
It took me 23 years to figure it out, but better late than never.
Right?
I love myself.
And I've never been able to say that before.

Obviously I face insecurities and obstacles of my own making. I'm not freaking perfect.
But I'm pretty awesome, and that's pretty cool.
I'm single. I'm alone. And it's pretty liberating!

A Short Blog Just For the Sake Of Blogging.

To say I've been too busy to blog would be a lie.

I've simply been too lazy.
Unmotivated, I'd say.
Simply unmotivated.

Really, what happens nowadays when I decide to write a blog is this:
I start a facebook status and slowly realize that it is simply too long to be a status.
and then, wow! a blog happens.
crazy, isn't it? :)

so.
today I was driving home from my beloved Mema's house with children in tow, and I discovered something.

There are three things that simply make me want to physically run into vehicles operated by idiots.

these are those three things.

actually none of these things bother me. I just love this movie.

One.

Drivers who do not utilize their FREAKING BLINKER.

seriously, it's there for a reason. So if you start to slow down and there is no blinker I'm like, wait, what's going on here. is there a dog in the road? oh no, not the puppy! OH WAIT YOURE JUST TURNING WHAT YOURE AN IDIOT NO. or if you just drift in and out of lanes. that's wrong too.

Two.

Drivers who do not PULL OVER TO THE SIDE OF THE ROAD WHEN EMERGENCY VEHICLES ARE FLASHING LIGHTS AND WAILING SIRENS AND RUSHING DOWN THE STREET.

If they were dying, or their house was on fire or their child was trapped in a back seat because they were hit by a car that didn't use their blinker, they'd want everyone else to pull over. But since it's not them, they just keep driving. OR EVEN WORSE, THEY JUST STOP IN THE MIDDLE OF THE ROAD. No. you pull over. I pull over. We all pull over. It's basically in every driver's ed handbook ever, come on now.

Three.

Drivers who go exactly the speed limit OR SLOWER in the left lane on the highway.

IT'S FOR PASSING. PASSING. YOU ARE NOT LETTING ME PASS ANYONE, YOU ARE A MISERABLE HUMAN BEING. YOUR REPRODUCTIVE CAPABILITIES SHOULD BE TAKEN FROM YOU BECAUSE YOU ARE THE SCUM OF THE EARTH. IF YOU WANT TO GO THE EXACT SAME SPEED AS THE CAR NEXT TO YOU THEN GET IN FRONT OR BEHIND THEM AND DO IT. DO NOT STOP ME FROM PASSING YOU. 

Of course, this can all be compounded by this awful thing:

When all the stations your car has bookmarked (I mean, what's the correct terminology? I press 6 and a country station plays, 3 and it's oldies...  it's a bookmark, right?) AND I DO MEAN EVERY SINGLE ONE is simultaneously ON COMMERCIAL.

and your CD is scratched. And you forgot your aux cord in your house.

that alone will make anyone sad.

Well, that's all folks!