Mani

So, my best friend was supposed to have a baby today. Due to unforeseen circumstances, she is not having a baby today. She is more upset about this than I think she should be, but whatever. We all have our own kind of crazy.
Sheller and I took today off to basically entertain the crazy Steffie while she was in labor.
Since labor didn't happen, we found other ways to entertain ourselves. Including, but not limited to, using Sephora's samples to completely do my face, buying really awesome Batman sunglasses, and mani/pedis.
I say mani/pedis, but Steffie was the only one to get a pedicures, and Shelly and I were the only ones to get manicures. This is because I wanted to try something new. I have never, not once gotten my nails done. I mean, paint them, sure! Or buying the super cheap ones at walmart that were basically held on by double sided tape! (good times, I tell you.) But never professionally done. So I skipped out of the pedicures (my comfort zone, because massages and cute toes are always always lovely) and asked the way more experienced Shelly what I do. She says to me "powder and shellac, that's what I get."
So, I do. Then the little Asian woman asks me "jumblejumblejumble or even?"
I panicked. I just said even. I didn't want lopsided finger nails. That would look stupid. So even. of course. She cuts the three long finger nails that I've managed to not break, and with every snap I twinge a little. But I said even, she has to make them all the same length as my shortest nail. I get it.
Then she gets these super long fake nails out and I'm like "I didn't sign up for this. Nope. I'm done."
But I sit silently and she glues these freakishly long plastic things onto the tips of my nails and I'm like, wait... what? I mean, I'm no pro, but I'm pretty sure they're supposed to glue those on my whole nail. Apparently not. She cuts them down to normal people size (after I spent a couple of seconds pretending to be some wicked witch and maniacally doing the evil hands and making a weird face that I imagine to be evil) and asks suggestively if I want them square, so I took that suggestion and said yes. Then she puts this powder and wet blue stuff on my nail and it hardens and she does all this magic stuff, then paints them and viola, we're done.

Steffie and Shelly say they look like porn star nails. And my chevron design looks like an Easter Egg. Whatever. Losers.
I am starting to think that they are the worst thing ever.
With these cute nails, I have lost my ability to type more than 15 wpm (I'm sure that's an exaggeration, but it doesn't feel like it.) I also can't text, I can't scratch my head properly, I can't pick anything up and I am living in constant fear that I'm going to scoop someone's eye out.
I keep thinking that I'll leave them on for a week and see if I get used to them. But right now, I want to rip them off. But I can't. Magic powder combined with secret liquid make these things impossible to remove.
So, allow me to show you what I can do with these beauties.

 take weird finger pictures. Cute, ah? You like that braid? And that faded makeup from Sephora's sample racks? Yeah. you love it.

 I got tired of trying to pose my fingers in the correct way. I gave up. Look at my nails, guys.

 I poked myself in the eye. No joke. I did. And it's not like they're long at all, really.

 Can hardly see them over my finger tips. I just realized I'm blinking. So attractive. Too lazy to take another picture.

 got sidetracked.... Lemme take a #Selfie.

check out my awesome tiger shirt.

(right) check out my awesome facial expression while mimicking my awesome tiger shirt.

Anyway, momma brought me Rosa's. So I'm gonna go nom that :)

Buh bye!
-Brittany